The New Pose

I'm definitely going to be rocking this David Bowie pose in as many pictures as possible from now, on.

The gun is impeccable, and the face so perfectly matched; it's an inspiration for a generation. It's going to take a lot of work to perfect that arrangement of facial expression though.

The Problem With Relationships

Why Is It That My Girlfriend Insists On Sticking Around While I Transform Into A Werewolf?

Granted, occasionally we both lose track of time until one evening the clouds part and the fog breaks and I realize that I've forgotten to check my day planner—yet again—and have also put my girlfriend in grave danger. I always tell her, explicitly, "Run! Run away for the love of God, aaaaaagh, run!" Now, I don't want to yell at her, but I don't have much choice, what with my back muscles tearing through my shirt. She's just going to run away as soon as the transformation is complete anyway, so why not listen to me and get a head start for once, rather than ask in muted horror what's happening to me as my nose and mouth painfully extend to 20 times their original size.

[Via The Onion]


Thinking about Halloween costumes...I'm definitely trying to rock that Daft Punk duo all night!

Right Brain vs. Left Brain

I ran into this website via a SomethingAwful thread, it's a test of whether your left-brained or right brained.

Left-brainers are more logical, tend to see patterns easily; the left brain is also the side which generates words and language. Right-brainers however, are more feeling-oriented, they easily recognize symbols and images, and have good spatial perception skills.

Most people look at this and see the dancer turning counter-clockwise at first (left-brain), if you instantly see it one way...then try and focus to make it change direction. It's fun for the first 10 minutes, but then you start to get a headache lol.

Au Revoir Yankee Doodle

In celebration of the Cleveland Indians wholesale crushing of the New York Yankees in Game 1 of the ALDS, I hereby am declaring the entire NY team a farce (fav word alert!).

Also, and more to the point, the article cited herein perfectly describes the Yankee attitude towards this year's playoffs [Via The Onion]:

"Try to remember that the Yankees are blessed by God himself," Jeter added. "If God wanted us to be a wild-card team, He would have done so when He created the Yankees over 100 years ago."

"Yankees Decline Wild Card"

Tuesday Link Fiesta #3: The Internet Is F'ing Crazy

• Samaritan Iverson Aids Crash Victims: "Imagine the surprise of two women as Iverson crouched down in the median to find out if they were injured when their car flipped over along Interstate 64 near Hampton, Va."

• the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks: From the FAQ of this hilarious blog... "What's a bigger waste of time? Blogging about something you find amusing, or telling a blogger how dumb or boring her blog is? I can't believe people are interested in it either, I'm just doing this for fun." The blog's got nearly 400 posts haha wow

• According to an obituary published in 2004, Francis Crick, the man credited with inventing the double helix model for DNA, took small amounts of LSD during his time at Cambridge University which provided for his spatial visualization of this breakthrough scientific discovery.

• Big news this week, Radiohead surprised everyone with the sudden announcement of the upcoming release of their new album In Rainbows. They gave us 10 days warning before the release date, but that wasn't the biggest surprise... They are releasing the album on their own (without a record label!) for digital download. And get this, the price is whatever you want it to be! An econ blog that I've got on RSS picked up this story and ponders the potential economic outcome of this revolutionary model of distribution without the universal middle-man (of money!).
  

• Pitchfork Media interviewed the superstars of Daft Punk about whats been going on lately with them: the ridiculous Alive 2007 tour, their collaboration with Kanye West, the proliferation of French house, what they dance to, as well as their current projects (new material?).
  

• This is a link to a hilarious article about someone who re-envisioned the Myers-Brigg personality types in a completely different light. I'm a mix between The Evil Overlord (ENTP) and The Egghead (INTP) haha. Make sure you link to the original article after reading the summary, its hilarious. [Via Mind Hacks]

Rapture Time #3

I'm glad there are other people taking notice of the release of Google Future, a Google-offshoot which gives the user the ability to search up to 75 years into the future. I searched for "sincerely, ludro" and I got back millions of results...apparently this blog becomes extremely popular right after this post, breaking into the Top-50 Technorati blog rankings, and gets cited all over the universe.

Here's a screen shot of the search "End Times".

Onionized #3

• Arby's CEO Arrested With Trunk Full of Stolen Horsey Sauce: "When the arresting officer approached the car, Mr. Smith was behaving strangely and the officer detected a strong, spicy odor," said Georgia State Patrol spokesperson Tim Courson. "Upon inspection of the vehicle, the trooper discovered that the trunk contained what appeared to be a large quantity of uncut, pure-grade Horsey Sauce."

• Co-Worker Not Nearly As Fun Drunk As Originally Suspected: "Nick probably had about five shots during the first half hour we were at Leary's [Tavern], and then he started muttering under his breath," said tech support specialist Michael Derrone, who may have been told to "go fuck" something by Bianchi, though Derrone was uncertain.

• Russia Tests Largest Conventional Bomb: The news, plus a little intelligent discussion from experts in the field (sarcastic, look at their job descriptions, "barista" is cute).

• Eagles Fans Give McNabb Three-Week Deadline To Win Super Bowl: Haha, this is a shout out to all those Eagles fans, you know who you are, who will proclaim Donovan as being the most McNabbulous quarterback of all time one week and then post bounty for his head the following week. Wait, who am I kidding, did I just say week?? Whoops! I meant quarter.

Kid Nation Predictions

I still do not understand why they continue to advertise this show during the commercial breaks in football games. Somebody in marketing should be canned, asap.

Point aside, it sounds like an interesting plot (a.k.a. show idea that has not yet been canceled/tried) just aching for a prime time slot...Not.

I personally thought that it would turn into either a Marxist cowboy commune or a neo-Freudian sexual freak-out after 2 weeks of having no one around that's got authority as well as fully developed sex organs.

Regardless, every child will acquire acute PTSD, every child will fuck somebody semi-famous in 5-6 years, and every child will be afflicted by the cliché sand in vagina.

Here's a SomethingAwful review that walks a similar line, but only with a greater amount of funny and wit.

Rapture Time #2

Apparently, I'm gonna be rapturin' all dayy. As a follow-up to a previous post, i've just gotten word that Stephen A. Smith has been fired...and is suing. There is a God...And He just told me that it's Rapture Time!!

[Via asshole sports blog, Deadspin]

Rapture Time #1

This is the first in a series of posts designed specifically to highlight certain current happenings in order to prove that the rapture has, in fact, already taken place and we've been just chillin in heaven (pun intended, keep reading).

Coca Cola may be plotting a new version of Sprite that actually chills itself upon opening. Apparently, the drink has to be kept at a specified temperature before being snapped up, and once the oh-so-thirsty consumer pops the top, "a mechanism inside creates ice made from the drink, so it is not diluted." Reportedly, the beverage would sensibly be called Sprite Super Chilled, and if it does indeed hit the UK (and prove successful) by "early next year," the technology could then be passed along to Coke, Diet Coke or even "super cold alcoholic drinks, particularly beers."

Super Chilled Drannkkssss Por Su Sistema!!! [Via Engadget, and a million other mirrors]

How to Smack Talk On Xbox Live

An informational video on how to smack talk in Halo: "I can't freakin' understand a word your saying."



The related videos can get rather funny too, but beware the weirdness.

Featured Link: Red vs. Blue YouTube Search

LeBreezy Keeps His Fans Sayin' Yeeze

This summer, LeBron has gotten us accustomed to him shooting 20 for 20. Now, he's gonna be 20/15.


Featured Link: LeBron SVSM Highlights Set To Musak

Snorg Tee Girl: Finally In Her Place

As I was casually browsing the Internet at work today, trying unnecessarily hard to find something to entertain the brain, I stumbled across something...awesome...something sent from GOOODDDDD. Read on, today has been officially a good day ever since this revelation.

I was originally on Urban Dictionary not because I browse it - or am an editor for it ;) - but rather because I was trying to reorganize and consolidate my labels. As you've probably already realized, my favorite label to use (not only on this blog, but also in life) is "pwnd"; a slang term meaning to 'own' or dominate/hack an opponent/other, neither uncommon nor mysterious in meaning.

But regardless, my Google search of this magic word led me to that darned Urban Dictionary. Drawing from previous experience using the website, I knew that it would be generally accurate as well as slightly humorous (thus satisfying my ravenous craving for entertainment while at work).

As I click into the definition, the page opens up and displays a few different disambiguations of the word. As I chuckle (har-har) to myself as I scroll further down the page, reading the definitions, I come across a furiously familiar ad placed directly between definitions 3 and 4:


What is the ad for? (Click picture for larger display) ...None other than Snorg Tees! I was so shocked that I nearly fell over in my swivel chair at work (which is a tough task in itself)!

I'm not gonna lie, there's really no need for this post except to let my fans know that I've finally found peace with the online advertising business after today. Just seeing that mushroom tattooed face of hers in between definitions for the word "pwnd" was just the subconscious conditioning I needed to relieve myself of the stress from feeling that I hadn't insulted that ad enough in my last post.

Thank you Urban Dictionary. Thank you Snorg Tees. And most importantly, many many many thanks to you: the inventor of the mushroom tattoo.

Onionized #2

I'm not gonna lie, after making my first Onionization post, I've revisited the Onion site again and can't stop finding more and more ridiculous stuff on it. Here are three personal favs:

• Here's another rather suprising report by the Department of Education revealing that inner-city youth have extensive knowledge of the metric system: "The cookie test was cut short by the disappearance of 25 scales, but results are still being called 'conclusive.'"

• Area Man Proudly Accepts Exit-Row Responsibilities: "Right now, it's leg room, but when the plane is engulfed in flames or sinking like a stone 30,000 feet above central Tennessee, it could be the path to life. And that's a path I want clear." [Article]

• This is an article that hits close to home for me. Having been in philosophy courses while in college, I can definitely relate to the grief caused by some annoying asshole who gets off to philosophical blabbing and listening to the sound of his own voice: "He thinks he knows about philosophy," freshman Duane Herring said. "But I hate his voice, and I hate the way he only half raises his hand, like he's so laid back. We're discussing ethics in a couple weeks, but I don't know if I can wait that long before deciding if it's morally wrong to pound his face in."

I Am Fortune Teller, Tell Me Your Secrets

After posting a Brady Quinn Onion article a few hours ago, this was just released:

The Browns have traded Charlie Frye to the Seattle Seahawks for a sixth-round pick, FOXSports.com's Jay Glazer has reported.

The Seahawks chose to trade for Frye to be their No. 3 quarterback rather than sign Ken Dorsey, who worked out for them last week.

Dorsey will take Frye's place on the Browns roster. It remains to be seen how the Browns will reassemble their quarterback depth chart. Any of the three, which includes Derek Anderson and rookie Brady Quinn, could be a candidate to start Sunday against the Cincinnati Bengals.

This is great news considering all Browns QB's have sucked over the last eight years except Quinn and Dorsey.

UPDATE: Front Page, Top Story, ESPN Article

Stars Shine Like Verbs

This next post will hopefully be in accordance with my goals/fears of eventually turning this website into an emo blog. A few days ago, I wished my girlfriend farewell as she goes to study abroad in Japan for a year. One of the many nice gestures that were exchanged during the farewell consisted of a mixtape that I made for her.

The framework for the mixtape was rather tricky: an emphasis on significance and meaning but without a tinge of sorrow, as well as an inspiring mixture of both powerful (without overdoing it) and superficial (yet cohesive) tracks.

What eventually emerged was probably the greatest mixtape I've ever made. In 10 minutes flat, I managed to totally blow myself away. Whether or not you understand the relationship that we have, I believe that you can still appreciate the power behind the mixtape.

It came off as so simple, it was just so easy to make. This was one of the first times in my life where making a mixtape was pure inaction. It was quite a surprising little taoist testament to a relationship of true quality.

Have Fun, We'll Miss You: Track - Artist
1.) Every Breath You Take - The Police
2.) Lady Stardust - David Bowie
3.) Remind Me - Royskopp
4.) Strawberry Fields Forever - The Beatles
5.) Kiss Me - Sixpence None The Richer
6.) Candy Says - The Velvet Underground
7.) Mama, Won't You Keep Those Castles In The Air And Burning - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
8.) Love Is - Common
9.) Look After Me - Hot Chip
10.) Ask Me Anything - The Strokes
11.) Sideways - Citizen Cope
12.) No Surprises - Radiohead
13.) (Just Like We) Breakdown (DFA Remix) - Hot Chip
14.) Hands Away - Interpol
15.) Hong Kong - Gorillaz
16.) Cartoon Music For Superheroes (Goodnight) - Albert Hammond, Jr.
17.) Make Love - Daft Punk
18.) I'll Be Missing You - Puff Daddy

Haha, I could totally just blog mixtape tracklists all day and still go to sleep at night not feeling bad about wasting space on the world wide web.

Onionized #1

• According to a recent study, people who engage in casual sex find it rewarding only for the first few decades of the no-strings-attached passionate orgasms.

• Gotta love the Brady Quinn hype: "Establishing a reputation for quarterback performance that football insiders have called 'reasonable,' Browns quarterback Brady Quinn silenced his critics and stunned his coaches, teammates, and family by performing competently enough in his limited play during preseason games to put the Cleveland Browns in 2007 post-preseason contention." [Article]

• Op-Ed: "Bro, You're A God Among Bros"

• School shootings help: "A U.S. Department of Education report released Monday reveals that school shootings leave students significantly better prepared for the random gunfire and everyday killing sprees that await them in the larger world."

• Pitchfork Gives Music a 6.8: "Coming in at an exhausting 7,000 years long, music is weighed down by a few too many mid- tempo tunes, most notably 'Liebesträume No. 3 in A flat' by Franz Liszt and 'Closing Time' by '90s alt-rock group Semisonic," Schreiber wrote. "In the end, though music can be brilliant at times, the whole medium comes off as derivative of Pavement."

Synethesia & Pornography

Can anyone put two and two together?

The Dirty Jerz

Via Mental Floss, a list of seven strange things that are illegal around the world. These lists, in general, are always enjoyable to read and also look up the reasoning behind the legislation pertaining to it. But one about the illegality of committing a murder in the Dirty Jerz while wearing a bullet-proof vest caught my eye as I was watching the first episode of season 3 of The Sopranos as I continue my conquest through all the seasons, chronologically.

Featured Link: Tony Is Dead

Nerd Talk Wednesdayz

• The Freakonomics cat's blog has sucked ever since it moved to nytimes.com, but that's just a side note.
• Google search is now accompanied by a "face filter" option. When searching images, the user now has the option to view only pictures that have faces in the jpg.
• Back To School Special: quick, effective tips on how to speed read
• Lu-Dro-ism of the Day: via Wikipedia
• A talk given by Malcolm Gladwell, author of Blink and Tipping Point, at the 2004 TED Conference in Monterey, CA. The topic of the talk is Happiness; in it, Gladwell gives the story of a food industry consultant and how his experience in finding out people's food preferences forced him to re-evaluate his understanding what makes people happy (video length 17:42).

Friday Link Fiesta #2: The Internet Is F'ing Crazy...

• Run Pops, Ruuuunnnnnn!!!!!

• School starts on Tuesday, everybody moves back into D.C. tomorrow...I can't wait.

• Blogger makes a correlation with getting ass and LeBron getting better.

• Great song, great dance, haha.

• Apparently Wilt "The Stilt" had an FBI file, which was basically just littered with offenses worse than Tim Donaghy.

• A review of a German electronic music festival featuring some of my favorite musicians and party scene, Cologne. The website Resident Advisor is also just a great way to keep up with all the latest development's in this obscure, vast genre.

• The Internet's "Black Holes": A Cause Worth Reporting

• Gotta love that old-school tennis rackets and Röyksopp (Oh, and cheap car insurance: For Those Who Haven't Seen It):

Mixtape #1 (No Edits Yet)

It's been a really busy week at work, with school, friends, that gf, etc. and I have been neglecting the blog regrettably. Well, just to get those internal electronic juices flowing again, I'm gonna publish the tracklist of a dance mixtape that I just made for the new sound system I just installed at my place. It's in first draft mode, so bear with me; but disregard do not, for the tracks are steadfast, true, and slightly glam-nasty.

Mix #1: Track - Artist
1.) Who's That? - Tiga
2.) I Go Hard, I Go Home - The Presets
3.) Curls - Madvillain
4.) Can't Get You Out Of My Head - Kylie Minogue
5.) Pogo - Digitalism
6.) Bizarre Love Triange (Shep Pettibone Remix) - New Order
7.) My Piano - Hot Chip
8.) In The Morning - Junior Boys
9.) D.A.N.C.E. - Justice
10.) Stronger - Kanye West
11.) The Difference It Makes (Superpitcher Remix) - The M.F.A.
12.) Krokus (Superpitcher Mix) - Carsten Jost
13.) Like You (Supermayer Remix) - Gui Boratto
14.) Rocket No. 3 - A Rocket In Dub
15.) Hearts On Fire - Cut Copy
16.) (Just Like We) Breakdown - Hot Chip (DFA Remix)

Gotta show tons of love for that craiglist!! In all seriousness, I haven't seen a 5-disc CD changer since OJ had Isotoners, and now I'm more than just a mad proud owner.

Boost Mobile Commcercial

I must've seen this commercial three hundred times (exact tally, be warned: don't knock the exact tally). It is probably the only 30-second spot that I can remember seeing so often and still not hate.



Best Part: Joey Fatone look-alike in the pool springing a very well-crafted laugh... it does not go unappreciated.

I've also gotta show love to the Boost Mobile episode (YT clip, 4:45 quote) of Aqua Teen Hunger Force:

Carl: What the hell is this here, some...uh, some sort of gay-out?
Master Shake: Hey! Just the guy I wanted to see! Carl, who's your cellular service provider, huh?
Carl: Dude, what're you dancing about here? You're poor.
Master Shake: Come here. I want you to listen to some.
(The Boost Mobile Phone chirps.)
Master Shake: You hear the chirp? Isn't that clear?
Carl: Isn't it clear that I'm gonna just completely fuck your ass up if you don't take three steps back? (silence) It's not, isn't it. You just look at me. Look at him looking at me.
Master Shake: Well, you can make or receive cellular calls with this. Give it to him.
Boost Mobile Phone: Where you at, dog?
Master Shake: See?
Carl: I'm on my land. We're both in America which used to be a good country until they started letting people like you do whatever you want.
Boost Mobile Phone: Hey, dog! Where you at!
Master Shake: See?
Carl: See this. This line? (points to where his neatly-trimmed lawn starts) Here? Line of death. You cross it, and your freedoms no longer exist. M'kay? Have a good day.

Due to the massive influx of fan mail...

In a recent sincerely ludro post about Bill Russell, I made the comment:

Also, Russell was one of the most prolific shot blockers of all-time. He, and all his victims, attribute this to his brutal psychological warfare that he waged during the season, as well as his uncanny natural jumping ability.

Which basically makes him my third favorite basketball player of all-time.

I've received an incredible amount fan email about that last statement (jeapordizing my large, ever-so-expandy Gmail storage), the majority of which inquire as to ascertain my Top 10 Ballerz Of All-Time list.

So, as a man who hold his fan base as well as fellow RSS lovers in very high esteem, may I present to you...

Top 3 Ballerz: All-Time Edition (w/links to prove it!)

1. Michael Jordan
   
2. LeBron James
   
3. Kobe Bryant
   

P.S. If you didn't notice, this is basically just a shortlist review of basketball players based more or less on tv commercials that are only partially rooted in reality. It's a rough description of some of my fav ballerz (current), but is unable to rank all-timers and is thus incomplete, considering Bill Russell lived before the Gutenberg press was invented or something like that.

Also, I kinda screwed you out of the last seven (7) ballers cuz I got really hungry in the middle of this post and had to go to lunch; I was supposed to finish it when i got back, but instead I slipped into a food coma and got lazy. Sorry. Notttt!

But, the true top 10 post will come...in time...eventually...after...I.....sleee........eeeeepp.

Bill Russell: Back In The Day

A recent SI article reminiscing with Bill Russell, by Ian Thomsen. Russell, arguably the greatest player of all time, talks about winning 8 championships IN A ROW and 11 total. Still an unbroken record, Russell led a Celtic team to feats that will probably never be trumped ever again.

Since then, people have forgotten this amazing sporting streak of excellence... probably due to its mythic status, as it probably comes off as impossible and out-of-this-world-y. He even did it when there were only 8 teams in the NBA, each with 10 players (a.k.a. only 80 pro b-ball players allowed) - basically allowing only the most talented players imaginable into the NBA (now theres about 28 i think). Since then, the quality and toughness of the league has dramatically

Also, Russell was one of the most prolific shot blockers of all-time. He, and all his victims, attribute this to his brutal psychological warfare that he waged during the season, as well as his uncanny natural jumping ability.

Which basically makes him my third favorite basketball player of all-time.

P.S. PWNDDDDD!

POOF, IT'S GOOOOONNEEE!!!

Here lies the Drew Gooden Reverse Soul Patch:

An Ode To The 80's It Was
Summon Much Pride It Did
Extend His Contract It Did Not
Now That The Patch Has Vanished
Hopefully So Now Shall He

R.I.P.

The Day When Being Cute Became Annoying

Every man wants relatively the same things in life. A nice car, deep Lazy-boy, big screen TV, great food on-call 24/7 and, of course, a very cute girl to have around when you want. The important words that you need to remember from that last sentence are "cute girl to have around WHEN YOU WANT" ...with an emphasis on WHEN YOU WANT.

I can only try to tell you how many times I've seen this curs-ed Snorg Tees broad gracing my AdSense bar; perhaps a thousand, maybe even a f'ing million. Of course I'm totally biased on the subject. I personally think that t-shirts with little sayings or euphemisms on them are for those who would rather have people in their vicinity look at their chest rather than their face.

As I increasingly see these so-called "saying shirts" constantly & everywhere, the less I refer to them as "free speech" and the more I call them names like "fucking distractions" or, more succinctly, "LOSERS"; and even sometimes, in the most drastic cases, "receivers of the Lu-Dro mushroom tattoo...to tha face!"

Can you see what this annoying exposure has done to me! It's driven me maaaaadd! When I say that every man wants relatively the same few things, I can say that with confidence. But this culture-wide over-exposure to something we hold so sacred, this visual hijacking and commercial manipulation of our personal tastes, has desensitized us to the once-highly-held virtue of valuing the sight of a pretty lady.

The only remedies that exist are either to (1) constantly deny yourself irritation by internet ads by consciously blocking out their images and messages every time you see them or (2) gouge your eyes out with a warm spoon. Sorry about the graphic image, but actually that second option would probably take less total work than the first considering how often we are bombarded by advertising.

But hark! The stormy e-clouds part! I do have a choice! I will instead forever ridiculify and attempt to expose over-advertisement thru this blog as to preserve the values we hold dearly as the internet junkie generation. In closing, when you feel that the ad-wars are starting to mutate your values as an e-junkie... Stand up! Shun them with Fire! Brimstone! And Fervor! And if need be, slap them in the face with your d***!

Onward!

UPDATE: Apparently many others also participate in this regular mushroom tattooing vent session. On a slightly stalkerish note, bloggers claim to have even found her MySpace.

Follow Up: Sonics...Gone For Good?

In a follow-up to a link in yesterday's Bad News section of the Link Fiesta, more and more information has come to light regarding the situation between the Seattle Supersonics and their Oklahoma City-based ownership.

In a published report the other day, someone representing the views of the ownership was quoted as saying that "we didn't buy the team to keep it in Seattle; we hoped to come here" illustrating their intent (FROM THE POINT OF PURCHASE) to move the team from Seattle to Oklahoma City. This obviously did not take into account the great value in keeping the Supersonics in Seattle to the city, its fans, and the NBA in general.

Aren't the Sonics turning things around? Didn't anyone get the memo about their soon-to-be superstar 2nd pick in the draft? With a solid team and things looking up, stabbing the Seattlites in the back who were there during thick and thin would further promulgate the greedy owner stereotype that floats the sports airwaves.

In TrueHoop today, this rotten point is driven home. As a Clevelander, I sympathize with Sonics fans and hope that no other fan has to endure the pain of getting your city's heart ripped out by an evil owner. I thought people like that only existed in movies.

Maybe this is an over-the-top biased post, or maybe it's just a way for me to legitimize the posting of a Major League movie clip. But in all seriousness, the city of Seattle has a lot of history with the Supersonics and Seattlites really do want to keep their team; but in order for that to happen, the owners and the city must both compromise and make concessions about the lease and KeyArena renovations. If the fans step up and show that keeping the team there will please them, both the owners and the city will be able to save face and benefit if they compromise and cut the deal. Below is a link to the grass-roots initiative to keep the Sonics in Seattle and respect the views of the fans.

Don't Diss The Fan

Monday Link Fiesta #1: The Internet Is F'ing Crazy

• Bad News First:
• Seattlites are scheming on their fellow Seattlites.
• Our nation's recent economic downturn has a wikipedia article already... noooooo!
• Then Good News:
• Brownies are off to a good start for the 2007-2008 season, hopefully.
• Karl Rove Resigns: When asked for his reaction to those who say he's being "run out of town," Rove responded, "That sounds like the rooster claiming to have called up the sun." Moving on to 2008 election strategizing? The report says that he is going to be writing a book. Hopefully it's a memoir. It's doubtful that it will be a sob story, that prick.
• Random Links:
  
• Finally, a product just for those balding Star Wars fans out there, both male and female.
  
• A prolific science blogger with too much time on his hands.
• The only thing nerdier than the Halo 3 viral marketing.
• The Told You So Link of the Day:
• Girl OD's on caffeine
• Lu-Dro-ism of the Day:
• Look at the article title.

Penny!

Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway has been signed by the Miami Heat as of today (8/10). Thought to have retired after suffering a knee injury during the 2005-06 season, this signing comes as a bit of a surprise to many. Finally reunited with Shaq, this all-star duo will undoubtedly lead the Heat to the playoffs as they did with the Orlando Magic back in 1995 (went all the way to the Finals!)...oh yeah, and they've got Dwayne Wade to help out along the way.

I am going out on a limb here with some excessively preliminary predictions which state that the Heat will make it to the NBA Finals (led by D-Wade, a fit Shaq, and a semi-divine, yet humbly occasional spot-shooter simply named Penny) and beat the formidable Cavaliers to go onto play the Mavericks in the Finals. However, the Mavs will win 4-3 in an exciting series which will restore NBA ratings to the greatness enjoyed during the 90's.

[On a biased side note, the Cavs are looking good in the off-season and maturing together as a team fairly well. However, we still have yet to drop the excess baggage of Gooden/Varejao and have made zero moves toward the acquisition of an experienced point guard after the Mike Bibby deal fell through (Maybe just on the back-burner?). Rumor has it though that GM Danny Ferry is just going to sit on the team over the summer, eventually low-ball Varejao & Pavlovic with cheap contracts when no one makes offers, and then push very very hard for a big trade once the season starts.]

However, this post is not supposed to be about basketball, allow me to get to my point: Although I regularly fantasize about a Cavalier championship as well as meditate daily to YouTube compilation clips of LeBron throwing down massive dunks over NBA all-stars so hard that it shakes their entire family tree... my affection for the Cavs is incomparable to the love I have in my heart for Penny Hardaway. I've lived in Cleveland all my life, I even grew up wearing an over-sized Mark Price jersey to bed every night.

But for my 8th birthday party, my gracious mother cut out a picture of Penny Hardaway, my secret (or so I thought) childhood hero, dunking from the most recent Sports Illustrated magazine, taped it to a piece of paper, and then subsequently mounted it on my birthday cake. That brief moment of utter disbelief and amazement when I glimpsed that beautiful cake for the first time on that fateful June 1st during my formative years, rocked me so hard to my core that I must forever root for him, no matter the circumstance... even to this day.

Am I a slave to the basketball persona that is Penny Hardaway? Will I ever be able to escape his spiritual grasp? Does free will actually exist? Absolutely not.

Stephen A. Smith: Bad Broadcaster or Just Terrible Person?

I'll cut right to the chase of this post, he's an idiot. After seeing him scream about every pick during this year's draft, I have a newfound disrespect for his soul.

Smith, a semi-accomplished sportswriter from Philly, got picked up by ESPN and put to heavy use during the Kobe sex scandal to provide some sort of unabashed defense of Kobe's blatant promiscuity.

He was given the show "Quite Frankly with Stephen A. Smith" on ESPN2; and guess what... it sucked. The only reason it survived for barely over a year was because of Spandan Daftary, ESPN's Emmy-winner producer.

Watching him rant his angular face off for a full four-and-a-half hours was deafening, uninformative, and slightly nauseating.

"That was such a terrible draft choice! I fail to understand what they are thinking! This was a bad pick for the [insert every team name here]!"

He must've said that over two dozen times. "I'm Stephen A. Smith! And everything I say is important!"

Why did they continue to go to him first for analysis before the other announcers? After talking for like three minutes, they would try to turn to the other announcers for a response, but they would be totally cracking up due to whatever just came out of Stephen A. Smith's mouth.

And then there was the embarrassing duel between Stephen A. and the other ridiculous basketball know-it-all, Dick Vitale. It was the single most homoerotic exchange I have ever seen on ESPN. I mean, they literally we're so full of themself and one other, that the two biggest ego's in sports broadcasting started, I kid you not, doing impersonations of each other in order to convey no point whatsoever. Seriously, I haven't seen spit that thick come out of Dick Vitale's mouth in over a decade.

"I love you baby!!! But I disagree!"

Yet even in the valley of the shadow of death, I am not alone in my plight. I was enthralled to find that other people in this universe actually exist who also stop to take notice of what Stephen A. has to say... right before they subsequently blurt out "wtf!?@"

Featured Link: The infamous Stephen A. Smith hecklers were back again for this year's NBA Draft and boy was my sanity appreciative.

i can has prezdincy?

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