Rapture Time #3

I'm glad there are other people taking notice of the release of Google Future, a Google-offshoot which gives the user the ability to search up to 75 years into the future. I searched for "sincerely, ludro" and I got back millions of results...apparently this blog becomes extremely popular right after this post, breaking into the Top-50 Technorati blog rankings, and gets cited all over the universe.

Here's a screen shot of the search "End Times".

Onionized #3

• Arby's CEO Arrested With Trunk Full of Stolen Horsey Sauce: "When the arresting officer approached the car, Mr. Smith was behaving strangely and the officer detected a strong, spicy odor," said Georgia State Patrol spokesperson Tim Courson. "Upon inspection of the vehicle, the trooper discovered that the trunk contained what appeared to be a large quantity of uncut, pure-grade Horsey Sauce."

• Co-Worker Not Nearly As Fun Drunk As Originally Suspected: "Nick probably had about five shots during the first half hour we were at Leary's [Tavern], and then he started muttering under his breath," said tech support specialist Michael Derrone, who may have been told to "go fuck" something by Bianchi, though Derrone was uncertain.

• Russia Tests Largest Conventional Bomb: The news, plus a little intelligent discussion from experts in the field (sarcastic, look at their job descriptions, "barista" is cute).

• Eagles Fans Give McNabb Three-Week Deadline To Win Super Bowl: Haha, this is a shout out to all those Eagles fans, you know who you are, who will proclaim Donovan as being the most McNabbulous quarterback of all time one week and then post bounty for his head the following week. Wait, who am I kidding, did I just say week?? Whoops! I meant quarter.

Kid Nation Predictions

I still do not understand why they continue to advertise this show during the commercial breaks in football games. Somebody in marketing should be canned, asap.

Point aside, it sounds like an interesting plot (a.k.a. show idea that has not yet been canceled/tried) just aching for a prime time slot...Not.

I personally thought that it would turn into either a Marxist cowboy commune or a neo-Freudian sexual freak-out after 2 weeks of having no one around that's got authority as well as fully developed sex organs.

Regardless, every child will acquire acute PTSD, every child will fuck somebody semi-famous in 5-6 years, and every child will be afflicted by the cliché sand in vagina.

Here's a SomethingAwful review that walks a similar line, but only with a greater amount of funny and wit.

Rapture Time #2

Apparently, I'm gonna be rapturin' all dayy. As a follow-up to a previous post, i've just gotten word that Stephen A. Smith has been fired...and is suing. There is a God...And He just told me that it's Rapture Time!!

[Via asshole sports blog, Deadspin]

Rapture Time #1

This is the first in a series of posts designed specifically to highlight certain current happenings in order to prove that the rapture has, in fact, already taken place and we've been just chillin in heaven (pun intended, keep reading).

Coca Cola may be plotting a new version of Sprite that actually chills itself upon opening. Apparently, the drink has to be kept at a specified temperature before being snapped up, and once the oh-so-thirsty consumer pops the top, "a mechanism inside creates ice made from the drink, so it is not diluted." Reportedly, the beverage would sensibly be called Sprite Super Chilled, and if it does indeed hit the UK (and prove successful) by "early next year," the technology could then be passed along to Coke, Diet Coke or even "super cold alcoholic drinks, particularly beers."

Super Chilled Drannkkssss Por Su Sistema!!! [Via Engadget, and a million other mirrors]

How to Smack Talk On Xbox Live

An informational video on how to smack talk in Halo: "I can't freakin' understand a word your saying."



The related videos can get rather funny too, but beware the weirdness.

Featured Link: Red vs. Blue YouTube Search

LeBreezy Keeps His Fans Sayin' Yeeze

This summer, LeBron has gotten us accustomed to him shooting 20 for 20. Now, he's gonna be 20/15.


Featured Link: LeBron SVSM Highlights Set To Musak

Snorg Tee Girl: Finally In Her Place

As I was casually browsing the Internet at work today, trying unnecessarily hard to find something to entertain the brain, I stumbled across something...awesome...something sent from GOOODDDDD. Read on, today has been officially a good day ever since this revelation.

I was originally on Urban Dictionary not because I browse it - or am an editor for it ;) - but rather because I was trying to reorganize and consolidate my labels. As you've probably already realized, my favorite label to use (not only on this blog, but also in life) is "pwnd"; a slang term meaning to 'own' or dominate/hack an opponent/other, neither uncommon nor mysterious in meaning.

But regardless, my Google search of this magic word led me to that darned Urban Dictionary. Drawing from previous experience using the website, I knew that it would be generally accurate as well as slightly humorous (thus satisfying my ravenous craving for entertainment while at work).

As I click into the definition, the page opens up and displays a few different disambiguations of the word. As I chuckle (har-har) to myself as I scroll further down the page, reading the definitions, I come across a furiously familiar ad placed directly between definitions 3 and 4:


What is the ad for? (Click picture for larger display) ...None other than Snorg Tees! I was so shocked that I nearly fell over in my swivel chair at work (which is a tough task in itself)!

I'm not gonna lie, there's really no need for this post except to let my fans know that I've finally found peace with the online advertising business after today. Just seeing that mushroom tattooed face of hers in between definitions for the word "pwnd" was just the subconscious conditioning I needed to relieve myself of the stress from feeling that I hadn't insulted that ad enough in my last post.

Thank you Urban Dictionary. Thank you Snorg Tees. And most importantly, many many many thanks to you: the inventor of the mushroom tattoo.

Onionized #2

I'm not gonna lie, after making my first Onionization post, I've revisited the Onion site again and can't stop finding more and more ridiculous stuff on it. Here are three personal favs:

• Here's another rather suprising report by the Department of Education revealing that inner-city youth have extensive knowledge of the metric system: "The cookie test was cut short by the disappearance of 25 scales, but results are still being called 'conclusive.'"

• Area Man Proudly Accepts Exit-Row Responsibilities: "Right now, it's leg room, but when the plane is engulfed in flames or sinking like a stone 30,000 feet above central Tennessee, it could be the path to life. And that's a path I want clear." [Article]

• This is an article that hits close to home for me. Having been in philosophy courses while in college, I can definitely relate to the grief caused by some annoying asshole who gets off to philosophical blabbing and listening to the sound of his own voice: "He thinks he knows about philosophy," freshman Duane Herring said. "But I hate his voice, and I hate the way he only half raises his hand, like he's so laid back. We're discussing ethics in a couple weeks, but I don't know if I can wait that long before deciding if it's morally wrong to pound his face in."

I Am Fortune Teller, Tell Me Your Secrets

After posting a Brady Quinn Onion article a few hours ago, this was just released:

The Browns have traded Charlie Frye to the Seattle Seahawks for a sixth-round pick, FOXSports.com's Jay Glazer has reported.

The Seahawks chose to trade for Frye to be their No. 3 quarterback rather than sign Ken Dorsey, who worked out for them last week.

Dorsey will take Frye's place on the Browns roster. It remains to be seen how the Browns will reassemble their quarterback depth chart. Any of the three, which includes Derek Anderson and rookie Brady Quinn, could be a candidate to start Sunday against the Cincinnati Bengals.

This is great news considering all Browns QB's have sucked over the last eight years except Quinn and Dorsey.

UPDATE: Front Page, Top Story, ESPN Article

Stars Shine Like Verbs

This next post will hopefully be in accordance with my goals/fears of eventually turning this website into an emo blog. A few days ago, I wished my girlfriend farewell as she goes to study abroad in Japan for a year. One of the many nice gestures that were exchanged during the farewell consisted of a mixtape that I made for her.

The framework for the mixtape was rather tricky: an emphasis on significance and meaning but without a tinge of sorrow, as well as an inspiring mixture of both powerful (without overdoing it) and superficial (yet cohesive) tracks.

What eventually emerged was probably the greatest mixtape I've ever made. In 10 minutes flat, I managed to totally blow myself away. Whether or not you understand the relationship that we have, I believe that you can still appreciate the power behind the mixtape.

It came off as so simple, it was just so easy to make. This was one of the first times in my life where making a mixtape was pure inaction. It was quite a surprising little taoist testament to a relationship of true quality.

Have Fun, We'll Miss You: Track - Artist
1.) Every Breath You Take - The Police
2.) Lady Stardust - David Bowie
3.) Remind Me - Royskopp
4.) Strawberry Fields Forever - The Beatles
5.) Kiss Me - Sixpence None The Richer
6.) Candy Says - The Velvet Underground
7.) Mama, Won't You Keep Those Castles In The Air And Burning - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
8.) Love Is - Common
9.) Look After Me - Hot Chip
10.) Ask Me Anything - The Strokes
11.) Sideways - Citizen Cope
12.) No Surprises - Radiohead
13.) (Just Like We) Breakdown (DFA Remix) - Hot Chip
14.) Hands Away - Interpol
15.) Hong Kong - Gorillaz
16.) Cartoon Music For Superheroes (Goodnight) - Albert Hammond, Jr.
17.) Make Love - Daft Punk
18.) I'll Be Missing You - Puff Daddy

Haha, I could totally just blog mixtape tracklists all day and still go to sleep at night not feeling bad about wasting space on the world wide web.

Onionized #1

• According to a recent study, people who engage in casual sex find it rewarding only for the first few decades of the no-strings-attached passionate orgasms.

• Gotta love the Brady Quinn hype: "Establishing a reputation for quarterback performance that football insiders have called 'reasonable,' Browns quarterback Brady Quinn silenced his critics and stunned his coaches, teammates, and family by performing competently enough in his limited play during preseason games to put the Cleveland Browns in 2007 post-preseason contention." [Article]

• Op-Ed: "Bro, You're A God Among Bros"

• School shootings help: "A U.S. Department of Education report released Monday reveals that school shootings leave students significantly better prepared for the random gunfire and everyday killing sprees that await them in the larger world."

• Pitchfork Gives Music a 6.8: "Coming in at an exhausting 7,000 years long, music is weighed down by a few too many mid- tempo tunes, most notably 'Liebesträume No. 3 in A flat' by Franz Liszt and 'Closing Time' by '90s alt-rock group Semisonic," Schreiber wrote. "In the end, though music can be brilliant at times, the whole medium comes off as derivative of Pavement."

Synethesia & Pornography

Can anyone put two and two together?

The Dirty Jerz

Via Mental Floss, a list of seven strange things that are illegal around the world. These lists, in general, are always enjoyable to read and also look up the reasoning behind the legislation pertaining to it. But one about the illegality of committing a murder in the Dirty Jerz while wearing a bullet-proof vest caught my eye as I was watching the first episode of season 3 of The Sopranos as I continue my conquest through all the seasons, chronologically.

Featured Link: Tony Is Dead

Nerd Talk Wednesdayz

• The Freakonomics cat's blog has sucked ever since it moved to nytimes.com, but that's just a side note.
• Google search is now accompanied by a "face filter" option. When searching images, the user now has the option to view only pictures that have faces in the jpg.
• Back To School Special: quick, effective tips on how to speed read
• Lu-Dro-ism of the Day: via Wikipedia
• A talk given by Malcolm Gladwell, author of Blink and Tipping Point, at the 2004 TED Conference in Monterey, CA. The topic of the talk is Happiness; in it, Gladwell gives the story of a food industry consultant and how his experience in finding out people's food preferences forced him to re-evaluate his understanding what makes people happy (video length 17:42).