Penny!

Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway has been signed by the Miami Heat as of today (8/10). Thought to have retired after suffering a knee injury during the 2005-06 season, this signing comes as a bit of a surprise to many. Finally reunited with Shaq, this all-star duo will undoubtedly lead the Heat to the playoffs as they did with the Orlando Magic back in 1995 (went all the way to the Finals!)...oh yeah, and they've got Dwayne Wade to help out along the way.

I am going out on a limb here with some excessively preliminary predictions which state that the Heat will make it to the NBA Finals (led by D-Wade, a fit Shaq, and a semi-divine, yet humbly occasional spot-shooter simply named Penny) and beat the formidable Cavaliers to go onto play the Mavericks in the Finals. However, the Mavs will win 4-3 in an exciting series which will restore NBA ratings to the greatness enjoyed during the 90's.

[On a biased side note, the Cavs are looking good in the off-season and maturing together as a team fairly well. However, we still have yet to drop the excess baggage of Gooden/Varejao and have made zero moves toward the acquisition of an experienced point guard after the Mike Bibby deal fell through (Maybe just on the back-burner?). Rumor has it though that GM Danny Ferry is just going to sit on the team over the summer, eventually low-ball Varejao & Pavlovic with cheap contracts when no one makes offers, and then push very very hard for a big trade once the season starts.]

However, this post is not supposed to be about basketball, allow me to get to my point: Although I regularly fantasize about a Cavalier championship as well as meditate daily to YouTube compilation clips of LeBron throwing down massive dunks over NBA all-stars so hard that it shakes their entire family tree... my affection for the Cavs is incomparable to the love I have in my heart for Penny Hardaway. I've lived in Cleveland all my life, I even grew up wearing an over-sized Mark Price jersey to bed every night.

But for my 8th birthday party, my gracious mother cut out a picture of Penny Hardaway, my secret (or so I thought) childhood hero, dunking from the most recent Sports Illustrated magazine, taped it to a piece of paper, and then subsequently mounted it on my birthday cake. That brief moment of utter disbelief and amazement when I glimpsed that beautiful cake for the first time on that fateful June 1st during my formative years, rocked me so hard to my core that I must forever root for him, no matter the circumstance... even to this day.

Am I a slave to the basketball persona that is Penny Hardaway? Will I ever be able to escape his spiritual grasp? Does free will actually exist? Absolutely not.