Onionized #2

I'm not gonna lie, after making my first Onionization post, I've revisited the Onion site again and can't stop finding more and more ridiculous stuff on it. Here are three personal favs:

• Here's another rather suprising report by the Department of Education revealing that inner-city youth have extensive knowledge of the metric system: "The cookie test was cut short by the disappearance of 25 scales, but results are still being called 'conclusive.'"

• Area Man Proudly Accepts Exit-Row Responsibilities: "Right now, it's leg room, but when the plane is engulfed in flames or sinking like a stone 30,000 feet above central Tennessee, it could be the path to life. And that's a path I want clear." [Article]

• This is an article that hits close to home for me. Having been in philosophy courses while in college, I can definitely relate to the grief caused by some annoying asshole who gets off to philosophical blabbing and listening to the sound of his own voice: "He thinks he knows about philosophy," freshman Duane Herring said. "But I hate his voice, and I hate the way he only half raises his hand, like he's so laid back. We're discussing ethics in a couple weeks, but I don't know if I can wait that long before deciding if it's morally wrong to pound his face in."